Becoming a Mother Changes You, Too: Understanding Matrescence
So much of pregnancy and postpartum is focused on the baby. The appointments, the preparations, the registry, the feeding, the sleeping, the milestones. But somewhere in the middle of caring for a new life, many mothers quietly realize something else is happening too: I am changing.
There is a name for this transition: Matrescence. Originally coined by medical anthropologist, Dana Raphael, and later brought into wider conversation by reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, matrescence describes the developmental transition into motherhood. Similar to adolescence, it can involve significant emotional, physical, hormonal, relational, and identity changes.
Matrescence can feel especially disorienting because motherhood often asks women to stretch, evolve, and make room for a new identity, while still needing to stay connected to the parts of themselves that existed before. Your needs may become less visible. Your body may feel unfamiliar. Your relationship may shift. Your career, friendships, freedom, time, identity, and sense of control may all look different than they once did. And because these changes are often framed as “just part of motherhood,” many women suffer quietly, wondering why they are not feeling more settled.
For many mothers, matrescence can show up in quiet thoughts like:
“I love my baby, but I miss my old life.”
“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
“I feel guilty for wanting more space, rest, or freedom.”
“Everyone sees me as a mother now, but I still want to be seen as me.”
“My relationship feels different, and I don’t know how to talk about it.”
“I thought this would feel more natural.”
“I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do, so why do I feel so unsettled?”
None of this means you are ungrateful. It does not mean you are failing. It does not mean you were not meant for motherhood.
It means you are moving through one of the most profound identity shifts of your life, often with very little space to process what it is asking of you.
Part of the work of matrescence is making room for the truth that motherhood can bring both love and grief. Joy and resentment. Expansion and loss. Devotion and loneliness. A deep sense of purpose and an aching sense of disconnection from yourself. These experiences can exist together, and naming them honestly can be the beginning of feeling less alone in what you’re carrying.
When the Transition Feels Heavy
Laya Women’s Therapy can offer a space to make sense of the emotional weight you are carrying, reconnect with parts of yourself that feel distant, and begin integrating who you were with who you are becoming. You do not have to lose yourself in motherhood. You deserve support as you learn how to carry this new identity while staying connected to yourself along the way.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or working with a licensed mental health professional. Reading this content does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you’re looking for additional support, you’re welcome to contact me to learn more about working together.
